Money and Marriage: Talk Finances Before You Tie the Knot

Dear Brian,

I absolutely agree with you that it's important to talk about financial matters before you tie the knot, and (obviously!) I'm glad you want your fiance to read my book. But keep in mind that the book itself is less important than the kinds of discussions it recommends. As I put it in Chapter 1 of It Pays to Talk, "talking about money can allow you to build the life you want." It's a way to avoid surprises later on that can lead to serious quarrels or have serious consequences (say, for example, she has no problem with high credit card bills while you get nauseous at the thought of interest payments or late fees).

A conversation about financial matters will help you articulate together how your family goals and material ones will intersect. For example, what's more important to each of you: a big house or saving for your child's education? What kind of retirement do you envision and when do you hope to stop working? Decisions as important as these should be made together.

Similarly, financial management should be a shared responsibility. That doesn't mean you have to divvy up the chores of paying the bills or tracking your finances or even completely merge your financial lives. Perhaps you'll do the day-to-day work of paying bills and investing. You could maintain a joint account for joint expenses, but keep the rest of your money separately. Even if your fiance has zero interest in the nuts-and-bolts of personal finance, she should protect her own interests by having a grasp of where your money is going, how your assets are invested, and what kind of progress you're making toward your goals. Resolve to sit down together once a quarter or at least once every six months to talk about what's going on financially.

I suspect that when you initiate these conversations and encourage your fiance to participate in the decision-making, she'll become more interested in the financial state of your union. To help you get started, you might consider making an appointment for you and your fiance to sit down together with a financial planner who can help you identify your goals and create a plan of action. You can read more about financial planning here.

But in the meantime, I strongly advise you to talk about these topics with your fiance now, before you take your vows. You'll add another layer of trust to the foundation of your relationship, and that will serve you both well, for richer or poorer.

(0206-5887)